Bold:

1. showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous.
2. having a strong or vivid appearance.

Audacious:

1. showing a willingness to take surprisingly bold risks.

 

The word bodacious is a portmanteau that comes from the words bold and audacious. I would never describe myself as bodacious, but I like the idea of being bold, and respectfully audacious. (to be transparent the second definition for the word audacious is showing an impudent lack of respect. I do not want to be this part of the word, although I ask that you forgive me when I inevitably am. I just want to be risky – within reason.) 

I am working on being bold. I want to be bold. I think boldness and courage are linked  and I think they both involve taking risks and having faith. I have faith. I am afraid.

In light of some changes that have taken place in my life (more on that later), I have decided that now is a great time to practice living boldly – within reason. I keep saying that because this is not the start of any sky diving, or solo Pacific Crest Trailing. While I am up for adventure, I am also not going to jump out of a plane any time soon.

This past summer I was listening to a panel of school principals. They were tasked with providing my cohort of wanna-be school leaders with some practical advice for our future roles. There was a lot on leading well, and caring for others, and remembering why you started the endeavor towards leadership in the first place. There was a lot. I honestly don’t remember most of it. Really, I remember one thing. One of the principals, he was wearing a light tan suit, said something that really shook me. It would become the thing that I would go to when my heart would start to race, or when I felt my self getting in the way of myself. It was so simple, yet it shook my whole world.

How ever bold you think you’re being, be bolder.

That was it. That was all I needed to hear. I felt my heart light up in a hot fire of excitement. I was listening. I was ready to do just that – to be bolder. I definitely hadn’t been bold in a long time. I think there may have been a time once before where people may have seen some inklings towards bold in me. Not recently.

This idea of “being bolder” has been on mind every since. I am trying to do just that – to be bolder.

I am failing.

Fear, judgement, self-consciousness and uncertainty have a firm grip on me. I am seeing the edge and dizzy at the thought of getting any closer. I need to jump. I am inching my way closer (part of me hopes some one will just push me already).

All that to say, I am trying to live a bolder life. This is me inching closer.